Navigating the Holidays – Thoughts from A Haven Families
As Thanksgiving approaches later this week, the winter holiday season has officially begun. It is common for many people that the holidays bring a mix of joy and anxiety. Following the death of a loved one, it can be even more difficult to know what to expect from the holiday season, and we hear often from families that they feel a sense of dread when thinking about this time of year. How do we help our kids adjust holiday expectations? How do we decide what traditions to keep and what ones to let go of? How do we memorialize our people who have died and incorporate their memory into the season? What if it feels too painful to do that yet?
You are not alone in navigating these decisions; earlier this month we turned to our families to hear what they’re thinking. Their answers affirmed for us that there is no right or wrong way to go about this time of year, give your family permission to do only exactly what feels right for you.
Some families shared that over the years, they have incorporated their person’s memory into their holidays in simple ways:
Keeping a place setting for them
“Keeping traditions that don’t require asking for help, like driving to see Christmas lights...”
“Drinking lots of coffee”
Cooking their favorite dishes
Still getting a gift for them
Sitting in quiet on Christmas Eve with Christmas tree lights on
Some families have found comfort in making new traditions:
Travelling to their person’s favorite beach town for the holiday
Making custom ornaments in honor of their person to share with family and friends
Writing a letter to them each New Year
“We have attended A Haven’s Candle Lighting ceremony and enjoyed that”
Many families shared feelings of uncertainty:
“We have yet to have an open conversation about it”
“We want to skip all holiday celebrations this year, my kids don’t want to do any traditions”
“Not sure how to be festive for my kids”
And yet, most of all, families shared that they enjoy telling and hearing stories about their person from years’ past. Talking and laughing with others who loved that person was something that so many families mentioned brings comfort at gatherings and celebrations.
A final note - there was one tip from a caregiver that we could all probably take to heart this season. They shared that their plan for holiday celebrations this year was simply “allowing imperfection and messiness.”
We’re grateful for that and grateful for all who help make A Haven a safe place. Our team is with you and wishes a peaceful Thanksgiving to all who plan to celebrate.