Peeking Into the Nest

This month we’re starting a new series for our blog, Peeking Into The Nest. Twice each month, you get a chance to hear about the work that we do at A Haven from a staff perspective.  In our Peeking series, we’ll get to step onto the other side and hear about A Haven through a family’s eyes. We hope that this will validate the impact of what we do, and also make it seem less scary and uncertain for new families who may be working up the courage to seek support in their grief. 

For this very first Peeking post, we’re honored to share the story of Kristen and her children, Evie and Charlie.*

Kristen first came to A Haven with her children 5 weeks after her husband and Evie and Charlie’s Dad had died. She had been referred to us by both the hospice bereavement coordinator and a family acquaintance. At A Haven, we know that in the early days of grief, guidance from those we know and trust is so important. We are always grateful to those in our community who trust us enough to send friends and family in need our way. Kristen reached out to us and signed up for our weekly Parent Loss group. 

Kristen says that she, Evie, and Charlie “were all a little nervous walking into A Haven for the first time but within seconds of us arriving, we felt welcomed and knew we were in good hands. Michelle (A Haven’s Executive Director) gave us a huge smile and struck up a conversation with us and we immediately began to relax.”

We know the tremendous courage it takes to walk into a new place when you are feeling vulnerable and uncertain. We consider families a part of our extended family, and want to set the tone that this is a place of safety and comfort. Though A Haven is a grief center, it is not a bleak place of sadness and despair. It is a boisterous place filled with hope, comfort, and laughter, the feelings and sounds of forging your new path. Yes, we will always hold space for your pain - as much and for as long as you need - but we will also be with you as you carefully begin to search for joy again alongside other families who are doing the same. As Kristen and her children looked around our gathering room that first night before group began, they saw that “Tom (one of our volunteers) was playing ping pong with another child and it looked like they were having a lot of fun—lots of smiles and laughter. The overall atmosphere was positive and supportive.”

A part of our family centered approach is to empower adults to talk about and be vulnerable with their grief in front of their children. In the adult group, we always take a second to go over some “take home questions” that can be used as conversation starters as families begin to learn how to grieve together. We envision families driving away from us after closing circle, talking about what they shared that night, learning about each other and building resilience as a family piece by piece. Kristen says that “during the car ride home that first night, we talked about our experience and both Evie and Charlie asked, ‘Can we go again next week?’ Both children shared that it was so nice to meet children who had experienced a similar loss and that they had never met another child who had also lost their dad.” A family talking together about their loss and feeling good about coming back to A Haven? Mission accomplished. 

Since completing 8 weeks of Parent Loss group over the fall, Kristen, Evie, and Charlie have joined us for remote groups over the spring and summer, and even jumped on for a night of fun on a virtual trivia night with us. 

For any families considering coming to A Haven for the first time or wondering what to expect, Kristen shares that “A Haven is a place where you immediately have something in common with the other people there. It is a common bond you share and one that it doesn’t take long to form. Evie and Charlie worked through their grief each week as well as gained a toolbox of strategies to use to continue to work through their grief. As adults, we had a chance to talk through our own struggles with our own grief and find ways to continue to help our children as they grieve the loss of their parent.”

We’re grateful to Kristen for allowing us to be a part of her family’s story, and for giving us all this Peek into the nest. 

Yours, 

A Haven 

*names have been changed to protect confidentiality

Interview & Blog written by Kate Lannan, Community Services Director